On Confidence - Alain De Botton and The School of Life

I listened to this one (via Spotify) after it was pushed to me in an advert. It's a short audio-essay, just over an hour and read by the author Alain de Botton. I'm a fan of The School of Life publications, and we have a few of them on the shelf at home, they are always straight-forward and thought provoking.

I enjoyed the brief nature of the 'read', just hitting the gap between a blog post and a book and leaving with you with some strong takeaways for a modest time investment.

The core premise of the book is that confidence is a skill, not an innate trait. It can be learned through mindset shifts and daily practice.

Key Insights

1. Embrace Your Foolishness

• We cling to dignity to avoid looking foolish
• Accepting your idiocy frees you from fear of embarrassment
• Daily reminder: “I am a fool” – it reduces anxiety and opens you up to growth

2. Overcome Imposter Syndrome

• Feeling like a fraud is universal
• Imposter Syndrome is rooted in childhood and the belief that adults/others never struggle
• Solution: understand that those at the top feel as flawed as you do
• Recognise others have doubts, regrets, awkwardness too

3. Challenge the System

• Systems and authority often mislead or fail us
• Relying too much on external approval undermines self-trust
• Mature confidence means trusting your own judgment over flawed institutions

4. History is 'now'

• Confident individuals act as if history is still in the process of being made
• Childhood shapes a belief that society is fixed and perfect
• Realising history changes, and you can shape it, ignites boldness
• Recognise passivity risks more than failure

5. Reframe Setbacks & Enemies

• Setbacks don’t signal failure, they signal a chance to grow
• Self-sabotage often stems from fear of future disappointment or unworthiness
• Adversaries often reveal more about their own insecurity than yours
• Build resilience by understanding others’ judgement reflects them, not you

6. Death

• Hesitation is grounded in a sense of risk, every move is rooted in 'danger'
• Inaction is not cost-free
• Wasting our lives is even more scary

7. Self Sabotage

• We almost always seek our own happiness, however many of us act in ways that ruin our chances.
• We are familiar with fear of failure, but we are also anxious about success
• Is this rooted in not wanting to make our parents/carers jealous?

Final Takeaways

• Confidence grows from accepting your imperfection
• Doubts, fears and imposter syndrome are signs you’re human, not failing
• Real confidence comes from trusting yourself, not from the authority of others
• History and opportunities are not fixed. You can drive change in small or large ways

Practical Strategies to drive confidence

• Build a personal success scrapbook: record wins, big or small. Revisit when confidence is below.
• Start a comparison detox: avoid social comparison for a week or more

Thought Provoking Journal Prompts

• How often do you avoid new situations for fear of looking foolish?
• When did you last view a failure as a step forward?
• How could you remind yourself daily that others share your insecurities?
• What small experiment could challenge your belief that your system is the only valid one?